Redneck Rampage

A week from a Redneck's life:
Deer Diary:
Munday: Well, we crash-landed that UFO in the desert and Bubba says he wants to go home. Heck, I don't blame him 'cause there ain't no place like Hickston. But according to my map, we're gonna have to blast our way through jack o' lope farms and a riverboat as well as a brothel (Bubba can't wait) 'fore we get home again.
Toosday: Met new folks like Daisy Mae (she's purty). Bikers, pigs, cows and jack o' lopes. I think I even saw the King at the Slurp n' Burp.
Winsday: Yeehaw! Got to joyride in a Swamp Buggy and a motorcycle that were both armed to the teeth. I hope those peoples I ran over will be alrite. I still got a darn jack 'o lope stuck in the grill though.
Thersday: New ways to destroy stuff! I found over 10 weapons like a crossbow that shoots dynamite-loaded chickens and a slingblade. Mmmm-Hmm!
Fri-day: Sure am hungry! I just need some good ol' redneck powerups like pork rinds, cow pies and some of my granpappy's moonshine!
Saterday: Boy I sure so like those toe tapping tunes by that good ol' boy Mojo Nixon.
Sunday: Heck! With all the new places we been, I sure wish my kinfolk could've come along for the ride!